She asked me, she said, "Do *you* ever knuckle under to the demonic hell-spawn?" And she's got this look on her face, like I'm some kind of repulsive wad of something awful and rank, and I said to her, "Well, sometimes." And this totally freaked her out, and she started running away, with her beads of hope flailing behind her.

When I got home, there was one of those leaflets under my windshield wiper, the kind with the pornographic drawings in pink crayon and the name of the church in big red letters. But that isn't what alarmed me - later that night, I could have sworn I saw her outside my living room window. That's creepy enough, but I live on the third floor. In the morning, the sunlight reflecting off something in the shrubs caught my eye. I took a closer look, and it was like a little rosary, except instead of beads there were little smiling skulls with no eyes. There were a couple other differences I have been advised not to describe here.

So I went down to see the Committee Man, to file a complaint, and there was a really long line, so I watched the children of the woman in front of me gluing pigeons to each other's heads. I think she was there about some kind of assault involving deviant melons, but I couldn't really make out what she was saying because she had this pack of stuff she was chewing constantly, I think it was bat guano or something. Anyway, when I got to the front, they had me fill out the forms and I got a small certificate to use in case I ever saw her again. I haven't.